Growing a Mother

Everything has its place and everything must be just “so”. From how the kiddos behave to what the house looks like and what mealtime “should” be. The pursuit of perfection sucks all the air of the room and makes life hard. It took me time to even recognize that my simmering feelings stemmed from perfectionist tendencies and the internal pressure to do things the right or the best way possible. Unconsciously, I set the bar so high, setting expectations for what my experience of motherhood would be like, what being a mother meant, and how I wanted to be perceived.

We all want the best for our kids and to give them everything we can. I thought that I had to be happy and grateful all the time and enjoy every single moment, and while there are moments that are so joyful and fun, especially as my son gets older, a lot of the time is boring, tedious, and thankless. I thought that a tidy house, zero screen time for toddler and mama, and a well groomed mama and kid was necessary, and that meal time was a time for peace and togetherness. I found myself using naptimes as a time for cleaning, cooking, and preparing for when my son woke up, even on weekends after working full time. I pretended that everything was hunky dory, and that I was living my dream life. It was exhausting and the veneer was quickly wearing off. I would snap and then berate myself for being unable to keep it together with my family. Something had to give, and I knew I needed to pull in those tightly clasping claws and let go!

• I put down the sponge and left dirty dishes in the sink (gasp! this killed my restauranteur self)

• I chose play with my boy, writing, and napping over doing laundry

• I learned to ask my husband to feed my son while at a restaurant, so that I could enjoy my meal

• I made oatmeal for dinner

• I scroll on my phone and use TV when I want a break

I had to stop apologizing for leaving things undone and just live with this new idea of “good enough”. Did I self combust? Did everyone hate me? Nope.

I am operating at a slightly higher than survival, and I am doing as much as I want while prioritizing connection with my family over perfection. I can breathe, I have space, and I am giving my son a chance to do the same. He watches me so closely, and I want him to recognize that he can make mistakes and move on, to have a compassionate inner voice, and to know that a clean house or curated experience doesn’t matter when life is about love and trying new things.

We are all trying our best, and that is good enough.

Snack Break

We have really been loving:

Pomelo and oranges

Happy Wolf Snacks-Refrigerated bars for kids

Ground Up Nut Butters-A nut butter company that supports job training for women experiencing hardship

With Love,

Salima