Growing a Mother

Whelp that explains a lot.

The early days were a haze of sleeplessness and survival, my husband and I frantically trying to figure out what to do with a squalling baby who refused to sleep and who could not be comforted unless he was strapped securely to one of our chests. As the months rolled by, we gained confidence, and we realized that the newborn phase wouldn’t last forever. Our son finally started sleeping through the night which gave us a chance to reset and feel more ourselves again. But the exhaustion took its toll. We climbed into bed, zombies, too tired to say more than “I love you, good night”. We would watch a show on TV, talk about the cute things my son did, scroll through pictures of him, even though we just put him to bed, and we rehashed logistics for the next day and the weekend ad nauseum. We talked a lot, but not about us or about things that weren’t baby related.

It is easy to go on autopilot and to let the routine lull us into a bit of relationship complacency, so that we are more like two ships passing in the night. As comfortable as it may seem, in my experience, it can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction. When I stayed home with my son, I felt like I was taking on more and more of the housework and cleaning, and I just let it go, justifying to myself that I was not the breadwinner, so I should be doing more work. But as the task list kept growing, the passive aggressiveness and muttering under my breath grew too. Finally, I burst, and let it all (and more) out. It blindsided my husband and made us realize how the silence between us added distance in our relationship.

We are trying to do a couple of things to stay connected:

• Have child-free time where we play pickleball, surf, or just go for a walk. Going out to dinner is fine, but we like to be active and find that these settings are more conducive to banter and fun!

• Make a list of all the household tasks and assign each person a task. We are also trying to see if we can outsource some of the things neither of us like to do.

• Finding ways to be spontaneous. We go out to pick up a quick coffee together after dropping off our son at school. Living large, I tell you….

My husband and I talk more about how our relationship has shifted through the years and how we are learning to navigate the ebbs and flows in the podcast which launches on April 24!

Stay tuned,
Salima

Snack Break

Some links and a recipe!

A really helpful video by Mother Untitled exploring romantic relationships in parenthood

A dance party for kids and parents! Yes!

This is my new (weird) but tasty breakfast that keeps the hangry away: ½ cup plain oatmeal + 1 scoop protein powder + 2 TBS peanut butter stirred together until you get pea sized clumps. Then I add milk and fruit. Like cereal but make it filling!